If you want to stop divorce, you have to convince the person what wants to divorce you to give the relationship another try. This isn't always possible, but it's absolutely necessary if you have a chance of stopping a divorce. A divorce can be stopped at virtually any stage - before it's filed or just before it needs the final paperwork. The earlier you stop a divorce, the more likely it is that the divorce won't be restarted, at least not anytime soon.
So to stop a divorce and save a marriage, you must convince the person to give the relationship another chance. If you have been begging the other person to give you another try or pleading for them to get back together with you, stop now. This might seem counter-intuitive, as in now that the person has less resistance it will make it easier for them to divorce you. But your pleading probably wasn't doing anything but convincing them that divorce is a good idea anyway. Who wants to be around someone who is behaving that way?
If you can start acting more mature and behave in a more pleasant manner, it might surprise the other person and help stop divorce. Explain that you really don't want the divorce and you want another chance in a calm way. The person already knows this so you screaming or carrying on won't help your chances. Just make it clear that you're hurt and very sad, and you really want another chance. You might be surprised how the other person reacts when you change your behavior.
You can also show a mature side of yourself that the other person might not have seen over the last several weeks and suggest marital or couples counseling to stop divorce. Counseling has worked for million of couples and your relationship could benefit from it, too. If you can get the other person to agree to couples counseling, then you have precious time before they file for or attempt to finalize a divorce to convince them to give you and the relationship another chance.
During counseling you'll have the opportunity to show the person why they fell in love with you. You can remind them why you're together in the first place. And if you can show honest effort in wanting to deal with the problems that come up during the counseling - and many probably will - that might be enough to convince the other person not only to stop divorce temporarily, but permanently.
When you succeed and stop divorce, you must remember that the person was about to divorce you and it would be easy enough for them to change his or her mind and file for divorce later. Having already thought about divorce and maybe even having gone far enough as to file for divorce at one time makes the decision to file again easier. So be aware of the state of your relationship, and perhaps continue counseling. It's easier to stop divorce temporarily than to have a good relationship for the long term.
9/9/10
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me
Okay, I'll admit, I've been dumped. More than once. More than I'd like to admit, actually. And, while it hurt quite a bit each time, I have to say that I have grown from the experiences. So, here are some things I've learned from women who've dumped me.
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me #1: It takes two.
Often with the pain and heartbreak of a break up, it is easy to blame the other person for your misery. But the truth is that if the relationship was no longer working, you were part of the problem. Evaluate what went on so that you can apply the lessons to your next relationship.
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me #2: Give women their personal space.
Women like to cuddle and snuggle. They may seem to always be around. But they need their personal space too. Men have a tendency to be possessive. We want to keep tabs on where they're going and what they're doing there. If any woman has ever cheated on you, this instinct becomes stronger. But, trust is a key component in a relationship. When you invade her personal space, you send the message that you don't trust your girlfriend. This can easily lead to the end of the relationship.
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me #3: You get stronger over time.
When you wake up in the morning and the hurt's so real, you may believe that you will never get over the break up. But the truth is that not only does time heal all pain, but you will emerge from the break up a stronger person. As philosopher Frederick Nietzsche said, "that which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger."
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me #4: It's okay if it wasn't meant to be.
Coming to accept that a relationship wasn't meant to be is a key factor in healing. If you had started projecting your relationship into the future ñ considering marriage, thinking about children ñ and then the woman you were with broke everything off, consider it a blessing. It is better to end a relationship that wasn't meant to be earlier rather than later.
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me #5: Good things don't happen unless you make them happen.
Finally, the last lesson I want to share with you is that you can't control what happened, but you can control to how you react to what happened. If you want good things to happen in the future, you have to make them happen.
That means getting back on the horse. Go out, meet new women. Have some fun. Eventually, you will find another relationship. And, if you have followed the advice in this article about things I've learned from women who've dumped me, the relationship will be even better and stronger than the last one. - by guest poster Scott B.
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me #1: It takes two.
Often with the pain and heartbreak of a break up, it is easy to blame the other person for your misery. But the truth is that if the relationship was no longer working, you were part of the problem. Evaluate what went on so that you can apply the lessons to your next relationship.
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me #2: Give women their personal space.
Women like to cuddle and snuggle. They may seem to always be around. But they need their personal space too. Men have a tendency to be possessive. We want to keep tabs on where they're going and what they're doing there. If any woman has ever cheated on you, this instinct becomes stronger. But, trust is a key component in a relationship. When you invade her personal space, you send the message that you don't trust your girlfriend. This can easily lead to the end of the relationship.
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me #3: You get stronger over time.
When you wake up in the morning and the hurt's so real, you may believe that you will never get over the break up. But the truth is that not only does time heal all pain, but you will emerge from the break up a stronger person. As philosopher Frederick Nietzsche said, "that which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger."
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me #4: It's okay if it wasn't meant to be.
Coming to accept that a relationship wasn't meant to be is a key factor in healing. If you had started projecting your relationship into the future ñ considering marriage, thinking about children ñ and then the woman you were with broke everything off, consider it a blessing. It is better to end a relationship that wasn't meant to be earlier rather than later.
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me #5: Good things don't happen unless you make them happen.
Finally, the last lesson I want to share with you is that you can't control what happened, but you can control to how you react to what happened. If you want good things to happen in the future, you have to make them happen.
That means getting back on the horse. Go out, meet new women. Have some fun. Eventually, you will find another relationship. And, if you have followed the advice in this article about things I've learned from women who've dumped me, the relationship will be even better and stronger than the last one. - by guest poster Scott B.
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