If you've had a break-up, you're probably either trying to figure out how to get over the person or how to win back lost love. Neither is very easy, but most people fall to one or the other, with only very few being able to move on quickly without pining or wishing things could be different. You should really think hard about the relationship and your ex before you do anything. Think about how things actually were and how they will be now. Try to be as unbiased as you can. You might decide that the break-up really isn't a bad idea.
If you decide to try to win back lost love, the first step is to apologize. You might think you've done this. You might have said you were sorry a dozen times. But if your ex thought you were apologizing only for the sake of to stop a break-up, he or she might not think the apology was sincere.
If you were the one who did something that you need to apologize for, apologize again. Now that you're no longer together, they might think the apology is sincere because nothing hinges on it. If the relationship has ended, you won't be saying it only to save it but they will believe that you really mean it. (And hopefully, you do.)
If your ex was the one who did something worth apologizing for, then, rather than try to get a sincere apology from them, forgive them. You may never forget, especially if your break-up was because of cheating, for instance, but you must learn to forgive. Forgiving is much harder for some of us, so you might want to read a book or two on forgiveness and how to really mean it. If you want to win back lost love, this step will help you do it. And it can help prevent problems in the future, too.
If you do succeed and you win back lost love, 3 or 6 or 9 months into the newly patched relationship, old issues might come up. If you haven't forgiven the person for whatever was done to break up the relationship, then you might have a hard time getting past everything. Old wounds would be reopened and it's likely that hurtful things would be said.
But if you can truly forgive the person, then there won't be any need to rehash the past. While you're working on forgiving him or her for whatever happened to cause the break up, forgive them for the break up itself and you'll save yourself lots of grief down the road.
Also, to win back lost love, show the person the "you" they fell in love with, not the you that has been dumped. They were with you because you have certain qualities - kindness, thoughtfulness, etc. - not because you're angry, jealous or resentful. While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best "you" you can possibly be and you may win back lost love by reminding them why they loved you in the first place.
8/26/10
8/25/10
How To Stop My Divorce
First, if you were the one who made the decision to end the marriage and now you wonder, how can I stop my divorce, you should realize that you're in a much better position than most people trying to save their relationships. You'll need to swallow your pride and go to your spouse with an apology. Explain that you acted hastily and that now you regret it. Explain that you no longer want the divorce, and maybe even that you never wanted it, but you spoke out of anger and you were wrong.
This might seem a difficult step, but it's necessary. Since you were the one to bring up the issue of divorce, your spouse might have started seriously considering and thinking that it's a good idea, too. When you want to know "how to stop my divorce," you need to discover what your spouse thinks of the idea and make it clear that you were wrong. Unless they've had a lot of time and reason to decide that you were right and divorce is the best step, you can probably save the marriage just by admitting you made a mistake.
If you're wondering, how can I stop my divorce when I didn't want it in the first place, then you have your work cut out for you. You can explain, without judgment or accusations, that you think the marriage is worth saving and that you don't want a divorce. Chances are that you've done this, and more than once. But the way you say it can make a difference.
It's important for you to be very mature and calm about it. That's not always easy to do. Divorce is an emotional and painful thing. But it's one thing to cry while explaining that you want to stay married, and entirely another to yell or dissolve into hysterics. If you scream, accuse or point fingers at your spouse, you're giving him or her even more reason to want to get away from you. If you want to stop the divorce you have to let go of the anger and resentment you feel toward your spouse for ever suggesting it in the first place.
But you also have to be willing to face and work on your problems. You must agree that the relationship can't go back to the way it was, but must change for the better. Suggest marital counseling. Explain "I want to stop my divorce," but make it clear to your spouse that you know he or she was unhappy with the way things were, and that you're ready to make them better.
This might seem a difficult step, but it's necessary. Since you were the one to bring up the issue of divorce, your spouse might have started seriously considering and thinking that it's a good idea, too. When you want to know "how to stop my divorce," you need to discover what your spouse thinks of the idea and make it clear that you were wrong. Unless they've had a lot of time and reason to decide that you were right and divorce is the best step, you can probably save the marriage just by admitting you made a mistake.
It's important for you to be very mature and calm about it. That's not always easy to do. Divorce is an emotional and painful thing. But it's one thing to cry while explaining that you want to stay married, and entirely another to yell or dissolve into hysterics. If you scream, accuse or point fingers at your spouse, you're giving him or her even more reason to want to get away from you. If you want to stop the divorce you have to let go of the anger and resentment you feel toward your spouse for ever suggesting it in the first place.
But you also have to be willing to face and work on your problems. You must agree that the relationship can't go back to the way it was, but must change for the better. Suggest marital counseling. Explain "I want to stop my divorce," but make it clear to your spouse that you know he or she was unhappy with the way things were, and that you're ready to make them better.
8/12/10
Five Most Important Things to Remember About Dating Girls
Everyone does it. Not everyone loves it. Whether you enjoy dating or find it stressful and horrible, you know that if you are ever going to find the one person who can stop your dating life forever, you have to do it. Gentlemen, you simply have to date girls if you are ever going to find the perfect one for you. So, here is some good advice for you.
Successful dating can be broken down into the five most important things about dating girls. They are:
Girls are not guys. They do not think it is fun to make noises by placing their hands under their armpits and acting like a winged creature. Even if they are drunk, they don't like this. Save this type of behavior for guy's night.
Girls are not guys. They do not think it is cool to brag about your previous relationship conquests. They do not want to know about the ditzy blonde who had nothing to say but had the most amazing rack ever created. Nor do they think it is great to have their guy greeted by every woman in the place. Take your date to a different place just to be on the safe side and never, never, never mention your ex-girlfriend.
Girls are not guys. They do not like to see you show up at their door in your ratty old jeans with a cheap five-buck pizza in hand. Trust me on this one. Maybe later - way later, like after the kids become teenagers - it will be okay for this kind of thing to happen. But for now, please, guys: take a shower, put on something nice like khakis and a pullover shirt, and have flowers in hand instead of greasy fast food.
Girls are not guys. They do not love it when their date pulls out buy-one-get-one-free coupons at the restaurant cash register. There is nothing wrong with a bargain, especially in these tough economic times, but use those freebies when you go out with your mom (who will love your thriftiness) or your best buddy (who wouldn't notice or care how you paid). Don't make your date think that she is not worth full price.
Girls are not guys. They do not find burping and farting contests hilariously interesting and entertaining. Who can come up with most-silent-but-most-deadly one without any prior warning is nothing to be proud of, according to the female half of the population. Neither is it way cool to be able to belch out the melody to The Star-Spangled Banner. Again - save it for football night with the frat brothers.
Remembering the five most important things to remember about dating girls will take you farther than anything else when it comes to having a great time on your dates. The five most important things to remember about dating girls will also allow you to get more than one date with the same lady. There are lots of people who will offer you lots of advice about dating, and even some who will simply say, Be yourself.
That is not terrible advice, but trust me, if being yourself includes any of the forbidden behavior in the five most important things to remember when dating girls list, don't be yourself. Be better. Remember these five most important things about dating girls and have a better dating life. - by guest poster Scott B.
Successful dating can be broken down into the five most important things about dating girls. They are:
Girls are not guys. They do not think it is fun to make noises by placing their hands under their armpits and acting like a winged creature. Even if they are drunk, they don't like this. Save this type of behavior for guy's night.
Girls are not guys. They do not think it is cool to brag about your previous relationship conquests. They do not want to know about the ditzy blonde who had nothing to say but had the most amazing rack ever created. Nor do they think it is great to have their guy greeted by every woman in the place. Take your date to a different place just to be on the safe side and never, never, never mention your ex-girlfriend.
Girls are not guys. They do not like to see you show up at their door in your ratty old jeans with a cheap five-buck pizza in hand. Trust me on this one. Maybe later - way later, like after the kids become teenagers - it will be okay for this kind of thing to happen. But for now, please, guys: take a shower, put on something nice like khakis and a pullover shirt, and have flowers in hand instead of greasy fast food.
Girls are not guys. They do not love it when their date pulls out buy-one-get-one-free coupons at the restaurant cash register. There is nothing wrong with a bargain, especially in these tough economic times, but use those freebies when you go out with your mom (who will love your thriftiness) or your best buddy (who wouldn't notice or care how you paid). Don't make your date think that she is not worth full price.
Girls are not guys. They do not find burping and farting contests hilariously interesting and entertaining. Who can come up with most-silent-but-most-deadly one without any prior warning is nothing to be proud of, according to the female half of the population. Neither is it way cool to be able to belch out the melody to The Star-Spangled Banner. Again - save it for football night with the frat brothers.
Remembering the five most important things to remember about dating girls will take you farther than anything else when it comes to having a great time on your dates. The five most important things to remember about dating girls will also allow you to get more than one date with the same lady. There are lots of people who will offer you lots of advice about dating, and even some who will simply say, Be yourself.
That is not terrible advice, but trust me, if being yourself includes any of the forbidden behavior in the five most important things to remember when dating girls list, don't be yourself. Be better. Remember these five most important things about dating girls and have a better dating life. - by guest poster Scott B.
8/9/10
Ex Boyfriend To Get Back - 5 Simple Tips
It is not easy for you and your ex boyfriend to get back after a breakup. However, there are a few tips that you can follow to have him back again. So many people don't succeed in winning their ex back. It's not really our fault. No one ever handed us an instruction book when we first started dating that taught us how to handle a breakup. Much less, how to get someone back after a breakup. If you want your ex boyfriend back then these 5 simple steps should help achieve your goal:
1. The first tip that will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back is to get your head straight. You need to get rid of the negative thoughts. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have to be willing to be strong. Don't let your emotion and especially depression keep you down. You can't achieve a goal if you can't keep your emotions in check and your mind clear. Negative thoughts are destructive behavior.
2. Accept that the relationship in its prior form is over. All the wishing in the world isn't going to allow you to go back in time and change the way things happened. You can't let your mind keep wandering into the past. Instead, focus on what is going on now. If you realize that the relationship of the past wasn't perfect you're heading in the right direction and laying the foundation for you and your ex boyfriend to get back together. Remember you are most likely glossing over all the bad stuff that happened. Think about this - the relationship didn't break in one day. Don't expect to be able to fix it in one day either.
3. Don't pester your ex boyfriend. Guys just don't like it when girls become obsessive about them. Especially ex boyfriends. You may want to seek comfort by hearing his voice or seeing his face, but if you really want him back, you must back off for a while. Don't continuously call him, text message him, email him, or go to his place or where he hangs out just to see him. Give him time to realize he may have made a mistake. He may begin to actually miss you. If you blow it, you may have a tougher time getting him back.
4. Become an object of desire. If you can, get some new makeup. Get some new clothes. Get a new hairstyle. If you've picked up a few pounds, start exercising and eating healthy. When you look good on the outside, you're going to start feeling better about yourself on the inside. By feeling good on the inside you will be confident and happy. When you're confident and happy, you will project this image to others. You will become an object of desire to men. This includes your ex boyfriend.
5. Take it slow. If you followed steps 1-4 your ex boyfriend at some point will probably get in touch with you. Imagine his surprise when he sees the new you from step 4. He will probably be sorry that he broke up with you. Keep your physical contact with him to a minimum, if you do see him.
Seeing you looking your best and seeing that you've become confident and happy will make him desire you. If you limit your physical contact with him, this will drive him crazy. It will probably help to ensure that you don't just jump back into a relationship only to breakup a short time later.
These tips may not be easy for you to do at first. You may want to give in and call him or see him, but you have to resist the temptation. These tips will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back together after a breakup. For more making-up tips, How To Get Your Ex Back recommends this complete relationship guide.
1. The first tip that will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back is to get your head straight. You need to get rid of the negative thoughts. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have to be willing to be strong. Don't let your emotion and especially depression keep you down. You can't achieve a goal if you can't keep your emotions in check and your mind clear. Negative thoughts are destructive behavior.
2. Accept that the relationship in its prior form is over. All the wishing in the world isn't going to allow you to go back in time and change the way things happened. You can't let your mind keep wandering into the past. Instead, focus on what is going on now. If you realize that the relationship of the past wasn't perfect you're heading in the right direction and laying the foundation for you and your ex boyfriend to get back together. Remember you are most likely glossing over all the bad stuff that happened. Think about this - the relationship didn't break in one day. Don't expect to be able to fix it in one day either.
3. Don't pester your ex boyfriend. Guys just don't like it when girls become obsessive about them. Especially ex boyfriends. You may want to seek comfort by hearing his voice or seeing his face, but if you really want him back, you must back off for a while. Don't continuously call him, text message him, email him, or go to his place or where he hangs out just to see him. Give him time to realize he may have made a mistake. He may begin to actually miss you. If you blow it, you may have a tougher time getting him back.
4. Become an object of desire. If you can, get some new makeup. Get some new clothes. Get a new hairstyle. If you've picked up a few pounds, start exercising and eating healthy. When you look good on the outside, you're going to start feeling better about yourself on the inside. By feeling good on the inside you will be confident and happy. When you're confident and happy, you will project this image to others. You will become an object of desire to men. This includes your ex boyfriend.
5. Take it slow. If you followed steps 1-4 your ex boyfriend at some point will probably get in touch with you. Imagine his surprise when he sees the new you from step 4. He will probably be sorry that he broke up with you. Keep your physical contact with him to a minimum, if you do see him.
Seeing you looking your best and seeing that you've become confident and happy will make him desire you. If you limit your physical contact with him, this will drive him crazy. It will probably help to ensure that you don't just jump back into a relationship only to breakup a short time later.
These tips may not be easy for you to do at first. You may want to give in and call him or see him, but you have to resist the temptation. These tips will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back together after a breakup. For more making-up tips, How To Get Your Ex Back recommends this complete relationship guide.
8/1/10
How Can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship
How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues:
* Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others.
* While your partner says they love you, their actions don't back it up.
* Your partner is controlling, reading your mail or showing up at places where you are just to check up on you.
* Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.
* You have changed things about yourself to please them.
Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?
A toxic relationship has a cycle. There's a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation - at which point the cycle begins anew.
When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until they've sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.
One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they're doing it. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.
But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.
Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.
For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.
The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.
But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.
Here at How To Get Your Ex Back, we believe that most relationships can be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.
The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you're willing to walk away. If you aren't willing to walk away, you'll never be able to heal that which divides you.
Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don't nag the other person. Simply say I need your support, I need your love, or I need your truthful opinion.
If you don't get what you need, the other person should know that you're prepared to walk.
A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands. Take power into your hands with everything you need to know about relationships.
* Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others.
* While your partner says they love you, their actions don't back it up.
* Your partner is controlling, reading your mail or showing up at places where you are just to check up on you.
* Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.
* You have changed things about yourself to please them.
Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?
A toxic relationship has a cycle. There's a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation - at which point the cycle begins anew.
When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until they've sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.
One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they're doing it. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.
But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.
Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.
For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.
The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.
But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.
Here at How To Get Your Ex Back, we believe that most relationships can be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.
The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you're willing to walk away. If you aren't willing to walk away, you'll never be able to heal that which divides you.
Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don't nag the other person. Simply say I need your support, I need your love, or I need your truthful opinion.
If you don't get what you need, the other person should know that you're prepared to walk.
A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands. Take power into your hands with everything you need to know about relationships.
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